Since the 4th of July I have been easily agitated and felt like impending doom, as of mid-last week I found out why. It started by me received a letter from my granddaughter’s mother (or my ex-daughter-in-law). The letter stated that she wanted me to terminate her parental rights and adopt my granddaughter or she is going to petition the courts for parenting time and I needed to contact her immediately with a decision with in 2 days of receiving her letter. Now I have been her legal guardian since she was 18 months old and have had sole custody of my granddaughter since she was about 2 1/2 years old. I have heard absolutely nothing from her in at least 6 years, so I talked to my granddaughter who is now 12. I explained to her that I got the letter from her mother and what it said. She started out very upset telling me she wasn’t going to call her Mom. After talking about all the options we decided that if the court gives her parenting time it might not be a bad idea for her to see her. My granddaughter has a lot of questions and as long as her Mother (and I use the term loosely) is straight and my granddaughter is not in any danger she should talk to her Mother. As of yet we haven’t heard anything and maybe we won’t, but if we do we both know what direction to go in.
A few days after receiving the letter I received an email from a friend of my son’s (my granddaughter’s father). The email started out by saying that he was doing wonderful, buying a house and he wanted me to get a hold of him. I answered that I was glad he was doing so well and that he had a friend, but to be careful. I also told his friend that he knows how to get a hold of me, but I refused to talk to him unless he was clean and sober. I guess telling her that gave her permission to tell me everything he has told her in the last 10 years and that he really wasn’t doing so well he had lost his job because he was caught drinking on the job, he was still drinking everyday, was still doing drugs and my 35 year old son was living with a 19 year old girl. This I didn’t share with my granddaughter.
When I get troubled I clean right now even though it is 90+ degrees and I don’t have air, my house and yard are spotless and yet I am still angry!
On Friday we found out that my Step Father, who is 79, has had 2 open-heart surgeries is going to have his 3rd on August 5th. His health is needless to say not very good, but I’m worried about my Mom if he doesn’t make it through the surgery I don’t think she’s is ready to be alone again.
Yesterday was the topper I found out that my nephew that has been doing so well with his addiction to heroin, has been selling weed, hasn’t been going to meetings and chances are he is using again. He was promoted to phase II in drug court last week and I think he may have been sent to jail this week.
Emotionally I’m a wreck and feel like everything is again falling apart I guess that’s what I get for thinking things were finally looking up.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
It's a horrible responsibility to put on yourself
Most of my life I have played the role of “Super Mom” or so I thought, everything was doable and as my youngest approaches her teen years I wonder what kind of warped sense of life did I give my children. Then I look at my grown children and wonder if their mates are a reflection of who I was when they were the most impressionable. So then that would make me very delusional.
My oldest son who unfortunately is a crack addict, has been married twice that I know of and the women that he has chosen in my opinion are not a reflection of me. As I search my life I don't think that I was ever as self absorbed as the women in his life have been, but then I have never been an addict.
My view of myself is that after the age of 25, was and am a mother first, not saying that I didn't get overwhelmed or selfish from time to time. Then I think back to going to school and working as many as 3 jobs and still not making ends meet and out of the 36 years of being a parent, being a single parent for 18 years with little to no support from the other party I really wonder what impressions I did leave with my kids.
I see a lot of myself in my second son, though he tends to have some control issues, I think our basic views are similar. Yet I look at the person he is with and wonder what happened. She is an addict, in my view extremely selfish, is always claiming she is sick and expects everyone to raise her children. Her answer to child rearing is to ignore them. Her children are complete monsters without manners and if there is ever a problem it's everyone other than her children's fault.
Then I see my oldest daughter who is still at home and going to college and I watch her make the same mistakes I made in relationships, always trying to make things better and taking the full blame for everything that goes wrong.
So at this point in time my oldest son has signed off on all his children, my second son is a wonder father and parent, my oldest daughter loves kids (dating people with children) will be a great mother, and my youngest loves little ones. It looks like in the parenting department they are all with of course one exception pretty much like I am. As I look at what I have written I guess we are all pretty much attracted to the same kind of jerks too!
It's a horrible responsibility to put on yourself! LOL
My oldest son who unfortunately is a crack addict, has been married twice that I know of and the women that he has chosen in my opinion are not a reflection of me. As I search my life I don't think that I was ever as self absorbed as the women in his life have been, but then I have never been an addict.
My view of myself is that after the age of 25, was and am a mother first, not saying that I didn't get overwhelmed or selfish from time to time. Then I think back to going to school and working as many as 3 jobs and still not making ends meet and out of the 36 years of being a parent, being a single parent for 18 years with little to no support from the other party I really wonder what impressions I did leave with my kids.
I see a lot of myself in my second son, though he tends to have some control issues, I think our basic views are similar. Yet I look at the person he is with and wonder what happened. She is an addict, in my view extremely selfish, is always claiming she is sick and expects everyone to raise her children. Her answer to child rearing is to ignore them. Her children are complete monsters without manners and if there is ever a problem it's everyone other than her children's fault.
Then I see my oldest daughter who is still at home and going to college and I watch her make the same mistakes I made in relationships, always trying to make things better and taking the full blame for everything that goes wrong.
So at this point in time my oldest son has signed off on all his children, my second son is a wonder father and parent, my oldest daughter loves kids (dating people with children) will be a great mother, and my youngest loves little ones. It looks like in the parenting department they are all with of course one exception pretty much like I am. As I look at what I have written I guess we are all pretty much attracted to the same kind of jerks too!
It's a horrible responsibility to put on yourself! LOL
Friday, July 1, 2011
Another Week of Challenges
Things seem to be going pretty well with my nephew. He is still straight 97 days today and starting to enjoy life. He stays very very busy, he is still going to 6 meetings per week working 2 jobs, yet he is still staying in contact with me and having fun once a week he and my daughter do something this week it was beach volley ball. I am very proud of him.
The girl and her 5 kids that is living with me is starting to look for apartments or a house for rent FIA is going to help her with the security deposit and first months rent.
Now for added excitement I just heard from my granddaughter’s (the one that I am raising) mother. It has been 10 ½ years since my granddaughter has lived with her and well over 6 years since she has had any contact with her and that contact wasn’t her mother’s choice, has decided she is going to petition the court for parenting time. Yet there was a twist in the letter I received. I have the choice to adopt my granddaughter and terminate her Mother’s (and I use that term loosely) parental rights or she is going to petition the court. Now mind you I have custody of my granddaughter until she is 18 with no visitation from her parents. However, since I am receiving assistance from the state for my granddaughter, her mother is required to pay child support. The last 3 months I have been receiving child support. I am pretty sure she is expecting me to adopt my granddaughter. I look at it this way she lives 100 miles away, not to mention that if she still is working, weekends are her drug and sex time. How many times do you think she is going to make the trip, my guess is not many. Oh yes, I got letter on June 30th and I have until July 4th to make up my mind and answer her.
I love the fact that not to do anything is a choice, and that is the choice I am making. I heard from her about 2 years ago I had received child support for a month or two and she wanted me to terminate her parental rights, the reason for that was she loved my granddaughter very much but child support was too expensive.
We will have to wait to see where this one goes. I just hope my granddaughter doesn’t end up the loser.
The girl and her 5 kids that is living with me is starting to look for apartments or a house for rent FIA is going to help her with the security deposit and first months rent.
Now for added excitement I just heard from my granddaughter’s (the one that I am raising) mother. It has been 10 ½ years since my granddaughter has lived with her and well over 6 years since she has had any contact with her and that contact wasn’t her mother’s choice, has decided she is going to petition the court for parenting time. Yet there was a twist in the letter I received. I have the choice to adopt my granddaughter and terminate her Mother’s (and I use that term loosely) parental rights or she is going to petition the court. Now mind you I have custody of my granddaughter until she is 18 with no visitation from her parents. However, since I am receiving assistance from the state for my granddaughter, her mother is required to pay child support. The last 3 months I have been receiving child support. I am pretty sure she is expecting me to adopt my granddaughter. I look at it this way she lives 100 miles away, not to mention that if she still is working, weekends are her drug and sex time. How many times do you think she is going to make the trip, my guess is not many. Oh yes, I got letter on June 30th and I have until July 4th to make up my mind and answer her.
I love the fact that not to do anything is a choice, and that is the choice I am making. I heard from her about 2 years ago I had received child support for a month or two and she wanted me to terminate her parental rights, the reason for that was she loved my granddaughter very much but child support was too expensive.
We will have to wait to see where this one goes. I just hope my granddaughter doesn’t end up the loser.
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