Domestic Violence

Though I’m a survivor of domestic violence I find myself in awe that my daughter is comfortable in an abusive relationship and keeps going back for more. It saddens me to think that somewhere along the line I must have taught her that it was okay to allow abusive. I wonder what it’s going take for her to say this situation is NOT okay.

I picked up a flyer entitled "empowering women" put out by the YMCA that describes one form domestic violence is:

**There are times when you are or have been afraid of or felt threatened, by your partner.

**Your partner calls you bad names or makes you feel bad about yourself

**You feel like you have to “walk on eggshells” around your partner, or your partner seems like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – you never know when they are going to be angry or happy, peaceful or abusive.

***You don’t have access to income, are given an “allowance” or are required to ask you partner for money

These are things “we” in an abusive relationship don’t even think of as being part of the abuse we seem to be grateful for not being hit or pushed around. I also found another statistic that we as women being nurtures and wanting to please if we are in an abusive relationship that we will stay in the relationship as long as we are happy between 10 and 15% of the time. How sad are we to settle for being unhappy between 85 and 90% of the time.

Then we are so good at blaming ourselves for all the abusive, giving them every excuse to think it was okay. It happened because they are so stressed at work, they were having a bad day because of an ex, and we should have been more sensitive to the situation and not made waves.

What we forget is that legally we have the right to vote therefore; we legally have the right to an opinion. We are also protected under the constitutional amendment of freedom of speech.

So what happens when we finally find the strength to leave as a survivor of domestic violence? We have to put the earplugs in our head and continually tell ourselves that we are not bad people and we are stronger for what we have been through. Who knows you could end up like me, I decided that I’m very happy being me after I found out who I was. I have been single now for 10 years and sometimes I think I would like to date and I try and decide I like being me without restriction. I have even known some of us that have met wonderful men that thank god for bring one of us to them.

I am not a victim. There are no lost causes. ""I've been there, done that, and know suffering -- but it's all good."" I'm still standing. ""Can't touch this."" Self-pity is an excuse to do nothing. To appeal to sympathy for pity's sake is to seek affirmation of the choice to do nothing. I am empowered by the spirit and support of meaningful experience and I transform with silent resilience."

Domestic Violence Sourcebook, The

40 Days

We are currently on day 40 of being clean and sober. I am very proud of my nephew he has had to work very hard to get here and the fact he refuses to go through these 40 days again makes me incredibly happy.

My 20 year old daughter on the other hand although she is no longer drinking daily, she is still drinking and in a very bad relationship that gives her all the excuses to drink. I look at the people my children are attracted and I realize what a huge role my attitudes towards relationships have had on the partners my children are choosing. I was always the peace make trying not to make waves while my partners did everything they could to create chaos. As I watch my children they are attracted to the same chaotic relationships, continually trying to keep the peace and no peace can be found.