Fifty Five and Relationships

Fifty five years old and still feeling like a teenager. Just wanting to be in a relationship and doing some real dumb things to find one. I tried on line dating and though you can meet people it has been my experience that you meet people that are not looking for a long term relationship. Mostly I found people that are looking for people to live with, no emotional connection and of course sex is part of the package or simply a sexual relationship.

I did meet one person that was looking for a long term relationship the only problem was that it was on his terms only. I was not allowed to have an opinion or feelings of my own and was not suppose to have any connection to my family. I tried it for a while so who was the bigger fool. Then I tried a person only interested in a sexual relationship, since I still have kids at home meeting at his place seemed to work pretty well. Then we became friends and pretty good friends. Becoming friends put an end to our relationship entirely, because as I friend could no longer turn the man on.

Now I do believe that we are all from dysfunctional families and it is how we survive the dysfunction that puts us in our own category. Not that I haven't raised my children with their own set of dysfunctions, but after sifting through the good and bad things that have happened to me throughout my adult life I have made my list of what I want in my life.

Being in a relationship is top on my list. I didn't think it would a big problem, but I have found that the biggest deterrent is that I have an eleven year old at home. Though she is my granddaughter that I am raising it is certainly not an option for me to ignore the fact that she is part of my life. I have also, found that in the area that I live men 50 years and older are retired. How does that happen. That just leaves most of these men with nothing to do but become depressed and lazy.

Now I work part-time and should be working full-time, but my 19 year old daughter is having her 4th knee surgery and until her knee is taken care of I can't take the risk of her losing her insurance by me having a full-time job. On my days off I am a homeowner that requires maintenance (cutting the grass, weeding the garden and cleaning the house), I also watch 3 of my grandchildren ages 7 and under 3 days of week. I have a busy schedule. I have a difficult time with men who can't find anything to do but become old.

I have found that I crave affection from a man and would love to have someone that thinks that I am as special as I think that they are. I have been told at my age I shouldn't be so picky. Unfortunately, when I was younger I wasn't as picky as I should have been. I got married the first time because I wanted to be married which ended after 3 years the second time I got married because I was tired of being alone that I gave everything I had for 15 years. I want to married again, but I want to be married for the right reasons. I want to be head over heels in love. I want all the obstacles as seen by this mas as part of my wonderful package. I wonder if there is such a person.

I watch my children and find myself envious of young love, of being so willing to to vulnerable and it being so easy for them to give of themselves.